Shattered
by ZiverNavyCIS
Summary: The tears fell harder as she thought of how hard he held on to her when it all happened. How close they were. She hurt him and she knows it, it wasn't on purpose, but she hurt him. Post Double Blind.


**A/N: Hey guys. :) This is just a one-shot on Double Blind, I am sure that episode left us with so much doubts, yet it surprised us in so many ways. I wrote about Ziva's thought processes about Tony, I had to expand on her feelings :) Thank you for reading! And please review - I just need to know if it's okay, hope you don't mind to do that! ~ Sharmane.**

_"I felt...alone"_

Ziva sat in the breakroom, tears endlessly streaming down her face as she looked at the marks that Tony's fingernails left behind on her hands during the crash. The tears fell harder as she thought of how hard he held on to her when it all happened. How close they were.

And how much their relationship was shattered by her. By brutal honesty. She has so much to apologize for, so much to mend.

Truth be told, she regrets her actions deeply. She got caught up in her own pain, and the cost of it was Tony. Her love. Time in Israel, made her heart feel the bitter taste of losing everything. the bitter taste of loneliness. The people in Israel, the smell of Israel, the sun in Israel did nothing but to viciously remind her of family. How they all left her alone, one by one.

Till all that's_ left_ is a broken Ziva David. Her heart will always be Israeli, but it wasn't without family. Israel will always be her home, the place where both innocence and pain happened. Maybe all she ever wanted was to have family. To grow up showered with love, with her father hugging her mum, with Tali to play with, and Ari to protect her from evil. Maybe it was what she wanted to have. A perfect childhood.

But she never got to say goodbye to any one of them. That left a gaping hole in her heart that refused to close. Burying Eli, just tore her heart apart, it magnified the hurt. Despite his actions, he's her father and it comes to him, sometimes she's that little girl all over again.

_The girl who wants to dance with her father for one last time._

If she could,_ forever._

Israel brought up all that she has lost, all that she would never have again.

And she felt... Thoroughly alone. She needed someone, she was fragile and she was vulnerable.

She was _weak_.

Adam showed up at that point of time, he showered her with care. And the gaping hole in her heart took up the care immediately. It just... happened. She was so blinded by the hurt, by the loneliness - She became rash and left a betrayed Tony in the wake of her actions. Honestly, Tony and her weren't a couple - But she's all _him_ and he's all_ her._ They weren't dating, but their_ hearts_ were. They weren't together, but their minds were.

Tony and Ziva were _more_ than just partners and that served to make everything worse. Ziva messed up and she should have known.

"I could have sworn that when I dropped you off at the airport I told you that _you are not alone._"

His voice, it was edged thick with love and pain. He confessed. He wanted her to have him in her mind, he wanted her to know that.. He'll always be there for_ her._

And that's all that_ mattered_. And that's all that_ should've mattered._

She made a mistake, a disastrous one. Forgiveness was out of the question.

She reached for her Star of David necklace and gently rubbed it, flashing back to three years ago when Tony gave it to her.

* * *

"Hey Ziva..." He walked over to her desk and placed a velvety box in front of her. Biting his lip and fumbling for words, he managed to beckon her to open it. "Open it. Trust me, this is not a prank. It's something I.. want you to have." She eyed him warily, but the serious look in his eyes made her believe him. Tony bit his lips harder with anticipation, for fear of what she might think. Ziva carefully pry it open and right before her very eyes, was a Star of David necklace. Her eyes widened in shock and filled with tears of gratitude.

"I uh.. saw that after bringing you back, it's gone. I know..that_ meant so much_ to you, it reminds you of Israel and I saw.. that you have been reaching for it at times. I know it's not the _same_ but maybe if you _see_ it, it brings you back to Israel and family." His eyes searched for her face for a response, afraid that he might evoke anger.

Ziva looked up at him, and softly said, "I want you to help me wear it. It's beautiful, all I could ever want." And she smiled at him. Tony's heart burst with happiness for he made his ninja smile. Slowly, he gently pushed her hair away, and placed the necklace on her with the utmost care. She grinned widely, as she faced him, their lips close as she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you, Tony."

* * *

She pressed the pendant hard against her thumb and it left an imprint. How she wished that she can turn back time, and bring Tony along with her to Israel. How she wished, she and Tony were okay. It hurts to watch her love walk away, leaving her to regret her actions.

Tony was perfect in every way, he tried so hard to love her and she let him slip away.


End file.
